I want to talk about mental health and the shame that I know many people feel around asking for help. This is not easy for me to write about, but my goal is let everyone know that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. With what seems like so many recent suicides, I feel the need to talk about mental health and hopefully begin to break down the stigma that goes along with admitting something is wrong and asking for help.
When I was 10, I developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Back in the 90’s, not much was known about it. My parents took me to the doctor, but nothing was done. All I know is I felt completely out of control, scared, and like I was a horrible failure of a person. I am not up for going into details at this point, but let’s just say I felt crazy. Fast forward a few years, and my eating disorder developed. I 100% believe the OCD was the root cause of my anorexia. It is a BRAIN disorder, not a societal pressure to be thin (even though that totally exists and is a bunch of crap, but they’re different), or about anything else. Anorexia is a brain disorder, same as OCD, same as other mental health disorders. It was not my fault, just like it is not your fault if you are struggling. Fast forward to now, and the eating disorder is very much in the past, but the OCD reared its head again after I had my son. My therapist told me that could happen and we had a plan in place if it did. No shame, people.
I have been told if you’re open and honest about your struggles and things that you feel ashamed about, they no longer have power of you. I feel incredibly vulnerable admitting to the world that I struggle with a mental disorder, but the bottom line is…YOU are NOT alone! It is not my fault I have OCD. It is not your fault you are struggling with whatever you may be. Life is full of ups and downs and for me, having a baby was enough to trigger my OCD again. No surprises there. Huge life change, so many hormones. So. Many. Hormones.
Please know you are not alone. Please know it is not your fault. Please know you are doing the best you can. And please reach out if you need help. I did and now my OCD is managed (no shame in taking medication either, you guys…it’s a brain disorder) and I am honestly happier than I have ever been. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel like yourself again. You deserve to find yourself and your voice. Please, if you’re struggling, reach out. You can win this fight. It is not your fault.
