Recovering from my eating disorder and self-injury was the hardest thing I have ever done.
I look back on my 15-year struggle with anorexia and bulimia and I barely recognize that person today. She was so frail, hopeless, overwhelmed, and desperate.
Overcoming my eating disorder, started with learning how to treat myself with compassion.
I hated myself. I blamed myself for the OCD, for the rape, and so much more. I could not find a way to treat my present self with compassion.
The last time I was in residential treatment, I was in my early twenties. One of my therapists had me do an exercise where I wrote a letter to my inner child. That was the most powerful exercise I have ever done, and I credit that to the beginning of learning how to treat myself with compassion. I wrote a letter to my 10-year-old self. To the girl who couldn't stop washing her hands. To the girl who didn't understand why she was so afraid of germs and couldn't get the thoughts out of her head. Once I found compassion for her, I was able to find compassion for my 13-year-old self who started starving herself. Then I was able to have compassion on my 18-year-old self who was raped. Eventually, I was able to see my present self through a different lens.
Self-compassion and self-love are vital in recovery.
And I understand that sometimes it's too big of a leap to go from self-hatred to self love. Start with looking at your younger self. Find compassion for that person. Tell her how much you love her. It is possible. There is hope. Healing is completely possible. You are so worthy.
I had the honor of being a guest on the @masterselflove podcast and I am so excited to share it with you all.
Thank you so much for listening.
We are all on a different journey to self love and I believe by sharing our stories, we give others the opportunity to do so as well. There is no shame in mental illness. You are beautiful and worthy just as you are
Link to listen to the podcast here!!